Another day, another story..I'm tired of this can't there just be a normal day. Today ms.x had called me at her place, probably not as a friend, she had called memoir lunch and her whole point was that before she went to Scotland, she wanted to see me and for that she had argued with her professor to change her tuition timings. So I did go and I told her that I had to be back at three. We had lunch, had fun I met her sweet family. We ate ice-cream together, its fun being with her. I have to admit that we did get physical cause all the past memories came back and I who has a week sense of rationality, gave into carnal action. I, now feel very guilty of doing that, though it was both ways.

After the whole act, we were normal but I told her that I'd be leaving in some time and she snapped at that as usual. She said that my priorities were fucked and I never cared for her and I sacrificed nothing. She wanted me to be there until her class started so that I could drop her. She was forcing me. I have told her so many times, that if you count your life by hours, you won't find moments to live! Unfortunately we weren't full aware of falling out of love. My conscience knew it all along, that from the day she had called me a loser, idiot, cause of her tension, and a pussy!! I probably fell out of love that time, but I highly respect and love the care that comes off of her and her family!

I felt I was being controlled, I also feel bad because in a way she just wanted me to be there and I couldn't, like its rude for someone to say no to the one who wants you to say so bad, but I told her that I had to discuss my friend's problem and I was to meet her after weeks. This is the friend that is very close and goes to school with me and is in my friend circle! So basically I was managing. But she wanted to be the top priority.

She CRIED, I felt like A MONSTER TO HER, she told me her cousins have told her many times that  she shouldn't waste her energy on  a "guy" and they shall have probably punched me! I left cause I was hurt. I also am very bad with emotions, I am a heartless kid sometimes, cause I have been troubled by shallow people in the past that has hardened me, she was crying and I just couldn't take it. I can't deal with emotions. I left in the rickshaw. She was awkward, there was a "one last pic" and all that unnecessary ways of making me feel what I was doing. Most relationships end that way, the guy is termed as a her and the case is shut! My ring was given to me back, I had to carry it home.

I WAS DAMAGED.

I came home and had a talk with friends, the made a laugh out of it, little happiness, they said to give it time and probably I shall get over it. I was coaxed into forgetting her by candy but then my fears haunt me. At the party, I though of her! Will I ever be able to get rid of her, will my mind ever learn to do that?!
Then I got a prank call from this chick, whose voice was sweet, she turned out to be one of her friends from my grade and she called me a "chutiya"(fucker) and basically insulted me by saying that she was a girl who needed help and cause her boyfriend broke up with her and then I hung up and then, I got a call from ms.x saying that it was one of her friends, You guys probably might have guessed that she was bitching about me and all that..which is fine, but then all the pain was back!!

I, presently am trying to get over it!!!

The reason I blog almost everyday cause I need a person to talk and when i don't get one I usually rite about it, plus i hope you guys can relate to it and comment. Like from this relationship what i have learnt of myself is that most guys and me of course require space, and they most positively don't like to be controlled. I decided that I had to maintain distance with her because I became someone that I am not, a mean person who leaves people when they are at their thinnest! I probably am highly faulted but I have to be with people who bring out the best in me, I care for her a lot and if I don't want to see her cry the best was is to stay far!