This is difficult, I know I haven't written since a long time because there has been a lot going on in my life. My exams ended yesterday and I had a fight with ms.x before too because she was a little curt to meet and didn't say I love you even after i begged her to say cause I wanted her to...I just love the sound of it.....IM IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF LOVE. The thing was that due to studying for nights I fell a little sick and I shut my phone off and went to sleep, I told ms.x "goodnight" but unfortunately she was still texting me, which is why I had a fight with her, its like we fight over stupid stuff all the time and I am tired of doing that I just want her to understand that its okay if not able to reply on time on whatsapp. Do you guys go through something like this too? We are so much in love that every so not perfect thing hurts her and I completely understand her pain when I might have shut the phone..that feeling of loneliness can kill you!!
The next day my exams ended and I was thrilled like anything...my friends were making plans for outings and one of my friends had already made a plan for bowling...one friend of mine she never comes for anything and I did want her to come. I put my heart and soul into convincing her because its just who I am I care about the smallest of things and apparently my stupid brain forgot that I had to care for someone a little more..I of course was gonna ask her too but when I did she said NO!
She said that wasn't even asked properly by me and wasn't even invited...I know girls love being pampered but so much seriously.. anyways then I went to her place cause as promised I was supposed to be with her after school and I loved it..we kissed, hugged, felt each other after so long and in a relationship only one thing matters and I hands-down know everyone shall agree to it that happiness is the only reason you got into or invested into a relationship and at that time when we made out...our passion showed how happy we were to be together.
Then I came home and went for a walk with my best friend who has known me for years, I do this cause I live far away from ms.x and whenever I spend time with her but when i can't reply to her or i late reply she gets a little irritated and tries a lot to hide that irritation from me but it shows pretty evidently...I also told her that I that we could have lunch together but that plan couldn't work out because I had my english tuitions and she got very disappointed and annoyed I just wish she could have understood where I was coming from and see eye to eye. She said that she wasn't gonna come for bowling and It never made a difference to me and she has been going on about how Im not able to pamper her and not give her enough and I chose to spend time with my friend..of whom she is obviously insecure of but deep down she knows me she is my best friend and doesn't need to worry cause we have had this conversation before and she know how long we have been friends!!
ms. x and I have know each other only for ten months and I'm in love with her, but I have ten years worth of friendship from my previous school which is miles apart from my present school and so there is no link. I get where she is coming from since she has very little idea of my life here but I expect her to understand a little that I'm trying my best to manage and I have full plate with internship and social work coming up. So I thought about it and probably thats the biggest mistake I made..."I thought"... about the fact that I felt caged in a place where i had to think before everything I did and not be myself and was I losing myself....so I told ms.x that I was giving second thoughts on the relationship and she got affected a lot which I knew was coming..I was tired of all this but today I begged her to come today and she came to my place and we ate pizza together and I sorted shit out but again later in the night she did some drama and talked about how I need to stay after school on Friday and i told her that I couldn't since I had to go out...It is a family thing. So she said that I am supposed to do this and I had to be the guy in the relationship and all of that.
That hurt me and I told her that I wanted to decide and probably split...she sent me a WIKIHOW LINK ON HOW TO BE A GOOD TEEN BOYFRIEND and I didn't read it..
I was the one who wanted to go, I lost hope and I reconsidered, I questioned myself how could I let it go so easily, she came all the from her home which is miles away for me and to sort things out and i lost hope!! I started crying...please don't tell this to anyone, I didn't tell her! I called her then and told her I have no one yo give me advice and I need a person to tell me what to do..she told me that "baby you are pressurising yourself too much and its very hard for me too but I I'm giving 3/4th of myself up and I will give up my happiness for my happiness"...that melted my heart. She cares for me so much..she makes a lot of sacrifices and I was probably over thinking a lot..she is definitely pampered, judgmental and has attitude but she tones it down for me and its very wrong of me to not give it a chance so agin I gave in and fell in love again....
I BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS A DRUG! I asked for a solution and told her that with the internship and my classes what if I'm not able to live up to what you want and ur expectations and what if things don't go the way you want them to? she said that i gotta make compromises and if not able to then she shall understand and she told me that iw as sign hope easily and since its our first relationship we need to analyse maturely, which what we don't do when we argue! I told her that we shall give it time and sort..she also had cried on the phone..she is very emotional that way and I have very less experience with emotions I, for the first time also cried and for someone else...it just happened! Ms. x and I are deeply in love it will probably kill us to separate and we are too different people with different ways and thoughts of doing everything...that is why we argue so much..my relationship with her is very sensitive, yet very precious to the the best of us..im very scared that I shall have to end it..cause I don't know if we aren't compatible or what but sometimes it just doesn't work out that well! She has gone beyond ways to be someone and I have done the same...I just ask myself what if one day i cannot put in that extra effort..It scares me.
Sometimes..I feel she is demanding, sometimes I only feel that there is affection behind it and probably thats the way love is viewed by her eyes and thats totally fine...I just hope that we grow mature after each and every argument and make up for it..this happened in consecutive days and I literally felt that this wasn't gonna work but probably she saved me..Bottom line...MS.X IS VERY IMPORTANT AND SOMEONE I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY FORGET EVEN IF I HAVE TO..we just have to work it out and hope for the best...i do hope she lowers her attitude and her nitpicking on me!!
It was very hard for me to write about this..going down memory lane is always hard especially when you have a rocky road to go through.
The only intent behind this log is to gain empathy and not sympathy!
Just need your wishes for the both of us!
The next day my exams ended and I was thrilled like anything...my friends were making plans for outings and one of my friends had already made a plan for bowling...one friend of mine she never comes for anything and I did want her to come. I put my heart and soul into convincing her because its just who I am I care about the smallest of things and apparently my stupid brain forgot that I had to care for someone a little more..I of course was gonna ask her too but when I did she said NO!
She said that wasn't even asked properly by me and wasn't even invited...I know girls love being pampered but so much seriously.. anyways then I went to her place cause as promised I was supposed to be with her after school and I loved it..we kissed, hugged, felt each other after so long and in a relationship only one thing matters and I hands-down know everyone shall agree to it that happiness is the only reason you got into or invested into a relationship and at that time when we made out...our passion showed how happy we were to be together.
Then I came home and went for a walk with my best friend who has known me for years, I do this cause I live far away from ms.x and whenever I spend time with her but when i can't reply to her or i late reply she gets a little irritated and tries a lot to hide that irritation from me but it shows pretty evidently...I also told her that I that we could have lunch together but that plan couldn't work out because I had my english tuitions and she got very disappointed and annoyed I just wish she could have understood where I was coming from and see eye to eye. She said that she wasn't gonna come for bowling and It never made a difference to me and she has been going on about how Im not able to pamper her and not give her enough and I chose to spend time with my friend..of whom she is obviously insecure of but deep down she knows me she is my best friend and doesn't need to worry cause we have had this conversation before and she know how long we have been friends!!
ms. x and I have know each other only for ten months and I'm in love with her, but I have ten years worth of friendship from my previous school which is miles apart from my present school and so there is no link. I get where she is coming from since she has very little idea of my life here but I expect her to understand a little that I'm trying my best to manage and I have full plate with internship and social work coming up. So I thought about it and probably thats the biggest mistake I made..."I thought"... about the fact that I felt caged in a place where i had to think before everything I did and not be myself and was I losing myself....so I told ms.x that I was giving second thoughts on the relationship and she got affected a lot which I knew was coming..I was tired of all this but today I begged her to come today and she came to my place and we ate pizza together and I sorted shit out but again later in the night she did some drama and talked about how I need to stay after school on Friday and i told her that I couldn't since I had to go out...It is a family thing. So she said that I am supposed to do this and I had to be the guy in the relationship and all of that.
That hurt me and I told her that I wanted to decide and probably split...she sent me a WIKIHOW LINK ON HOW TO BE A GOOD TEEN BOYFRIEND and I didn't read it..
I was the one who wanted to go, I lost hope and I reconsidered, I questioned myself how could I let it go so easily, she came all the from her home which is miles away for me and to sort things out and i lost hope!! I started crying...please don't tell this to anyone, I didn't tell her! I called her then and told her I have no one yo give me advice and I need a person to tell me what to do..she told me that "baby you are pressurising yourself too much and its very hard for me too but I I'm giving 3/4th of myself up and I will give up my happiness for my happiness"...that melted my heart. She cares for me so much..she makes a lot of sacrifices and I was probably over thinking a lot..she is definitely pampered, judgmental and has attitude but she tones it down for me and its very wrong of me to not give it a chance so agin I gave in and fell in love again....
I BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS A DRUG! I asked for a solution and told her that with the internship and my classes what if I'm not able to live up to what you want and ur expectations and what if things don't go the way you want them to? she said that i gotta make compromises and if not able to then she shall understand and she told me that iw as sign hope easily and since its our first relationship we need to analyse maturely, which what we don't do when we argue! I told her that we shall give it time and sort..she also had cried on the phone..she is very emotional that way and I have very less experience with emotions I, for the first time also cried and for someone else...it just happened! Ms. x and I are deeply in love it will probably kill us to separate and we are too different people with different ways and thoughts of doing everything...that is why we argue so much..my relationship with her is very sensitive, yet very precious to the the best of us..im very scared that I shall have to end it..cause I don't know if we aren't compatible or what but sometimes it just doesn't work out that well! She has gone beyond ways to be someone and I have done the same...I just ask myself what if one day i cannot put in that extra effort..It scares me.
Sometimes..I feel she is demanding, sometimes I only feel that there is affection behind it and probably thats the way love is viewed by her eyes and thats totally fine...I just hope that we grow mature after each and every argument and make up for it..this happened in consecutive days and I literally felt that this wasn't gonna work but probably she saved me..Bottom line...MS.X IS VERY IMPORTANT AND SOMEONE I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY FORGET EVEN IF I HAVE TO..we just have to work it out and hope for the best...i do hope she lowers her attitude and her nitpicking on me!!
It was very hard for me to write about this..going down memory lane is always hard especially when you have a rocky road to go through.
The only intent behind this log is to gain empathy and not sympathy!
Just need your wishes for the both of us!
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